Chemistry Connections has taken the time to compile a list of tips to help you maximize your speed dating experience and match success, so that your speed dating event will be time well spent. *Some of these tips are for men specifically and others are for both men and women. So if the shoe fits you wear it!
*During a speed dating event, too many people pretend to be someone they are not in hopes of getting more people interested in them, and more dates. They may get more dates, but they will be wasting everyone's time. Think about it this way: if you want to find someone to be with for the long haul, they need to like you for who you are. Communicate who you are from the very first date, and you'll not only find someone, you'll find the RIGHT someone.
*The very nature of speed dating can create stress -- you think you have to convince people to like you in 7 minutes or less. To eliminate that stress, you have to approach speed dating with the right mindset. Don't think of it as "your only chance" or a "single opportunity." View the speed dating event as something fun,and exciting yet efficient way to meet new people, and possibly meet that very special someone. If you can laugh at the idea of speed dating, you can take the pressure off of you. Then you can enjoy the experience, and hopefully work your way successfully through all of your dates.
*A common misconception of dating services is that they are filled with desperate people. Remember this -- people who seek out a dating service are taking control of their love life. Today, dating over the internet and events like speed dating are becoming more and more common because the demands of modern life often inhibit our ability to meet new people and form new relationships. Speed dating, rather than being an activity of the desperate, is instead an accepted way for busy people to meet each other.
*Speed dating means you are going to meet a lot of people, so you want to make a good first impression. Obviously make sure you are freshly showered and that you have brushed your teeth. And when dressing for the big event, dress nicely. Remember, you aren't going clubbing, but you aren't going to work, either. So select an outfit that tells people a little about your personality and interests. The most important speed dating tip: don't try to look like someone you aren't. Be who you are, quirks and all.
*Speed dating is all about first impressions, so appearance is especially important. You need to look your best and be clean and well groomed. Find out where the event is being held and match your dress to their code.Dress up for a fancy restaurant, dress more casually for a bar. You want to look your best, but you still want to look like you.
*Everybody prepares for dates in different ways, but the unique structure of speed dating demands that you at least have some idea of your dating preferences. Before you go into the session, develop an idea of your likes and dislikes. It may help to make a list, write down personality quirks that annoy you and any potential "deal breakers", traits or habits that you would never want to find in a person you date. If any of your speed dates display these traits, then you can quickly eliminate them as viable companions. It also helps to compile a short mental list of positive traits, either things that you like, or things that you would like to experience when dating. Remember, it never hurts to be a little adventurous!
*If you're new to speed dating, you may not know what to ask or how to act. Remember, you only have 7 minutes, so ask questions that will give you some insight into the person you are meeting. Start with the basics: What do you do? Where are you from? What brought you to speed dating? What do you like to do for fun? See if you have any interests in common and if you feel comfortable talking with this person. Also, if you have 'deal breakers' -- like smoking or drinking -- ask about those, too. You don't want to waste each other's time. In the end, trust yourself and try to remember to have fun!
*You've completed your first speed dating experience; what happens next? You will get your results within 24 hours. Then you'll be staring at email addresses and trying to figure out your next step. Suggest meeting for a drink or a casual event that will take some of the pressure off of you both. If you both went to the speed dating event with friends, suggest a non-speed dating reunion at a local bar where you can hang out and laugh over your shared experience.
*Here's our advice: Keep the focus on them, answer their questions briefly but not so brief it seems we are avoiding the question, then ask them something. Keep flipping the focus on them, which shows you have a genuine interest in who they are, which afterall, is what most women want, someone who is interested more in them for their brains and personality than for their looks.
*Communicate - One thing we've heard from women attending who do not select certain men is that they felt the man did not communicate, that he didn't have good communication skills or he was too nervous to speak. In other words, it was a pretty quiet 7 minutes. But usually the woman is simply misjudging the guy as lacking skills instead of he just being shy or nervous. If you don't know what to say next, turn over the match card and ask her a question. This keeps the conversation flowing until something else comes up that you both can talk about.
*Confidence - Although many people are nervous when they attend for the first time, women do tend to respond better to men who are confident and relaxed. Do your best to project that type of image.
*Don't Linger - When the bell rings, politely wrap up your conversation. If you are too abrupt, they may think you are not interested, if you linger too long, they may think you are rude and not abiding by the "rules". Wrap up what you were talking about, say a parting remark like "nice meeting you" or if you really want to see her again you can say "I hope to talk to you again sometime" and move on. Remember, if you sit too long, you are holding up the guy behind you (and likely a bunch of others behind him) which the woman will likely notice. This will not make you friends with the guy who has to follow you from table to table throughout the evening. Additionally, your time with the next lady will be shortned (as will be the guy behind you) because you will be using up some of the 7 minutes allocated.
*Notes - Do not write notes at the table. It makes women uncomfortable taking notes about someone that is sitting right in front of them. However, you definitely should make some notes, as they are important to keep everyone straight. A number of participants have have met people for a date after matching up at speed dating events and didn't really know which person it was! They couldn't put the face to the name. On the other hand, taking notes about a woman shows her you are interested, which might enhance the chances she will circle you as a match.( use your discretion) KEEP IN MIND - We will give you time in betwenn each date to fill out match cards and take notes just be a little discrete!
*The Friend/Business Category - Many women want things to start off slow or simply a bit unsure and don't want to make it obvious they are interested just quite yet. Some women are really interested but just aren't ready to indicate they are interested in dating. If you are interested in a women, we highly recommend you also circle friend/business so you cover your bases. Then, follow up if you have a friend/business match and take it slow. This often can lead to a relationship. Some women just don't want to feel any pressure whatsoever, so this category works best for them. But, keep in mind the friend/business category can mean only that, a friend or business connection only with no romantic interest.
*Opening Questions - Try to avoid asking the following:
Have you done this before? When the answer is yes, the person might feel that you may be implying that if they have attended more than once there may somehow be something wrong with them. The reason people attend more than once varies, with most people's reason being simply that they are very discerning and let's face it, dating is a numbers game.
Asking a particularly attractive woman at an event "why are you here" or "I cannot believe you need to do this to meet people" Women attend our events because they are busy and don't like bars and may not want to do the online dating thing, etc. Most women tend to want a man who is "professional" and since we focus on professionals, many women prefer speed dating to other services. So it's best to not act surprised to see attractive, intelligent and successful women attending such an event. They have a tough time meeting quality people just as much as men do. And sometimes, the really attractive ones have a harder time because men automatically assume they're taken when they aren't!
